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a passionate repentance

You fall and..you get up. And you fall and you get up. I think what I…

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may God stand
You fall and..you get up.
And you fall and you get up.
I think what I have to get used to is that I'm never going to quit falling. Oddly enough, the further I go in this, the guiltier I feel when I *do* fall.

Is that normal?
  • Perhaps it's because you move further that you feel you are falling harder?

    • I think that it has to do with my conscience shaking off some of the layers of crap. Amazing and terrifying what a little cleaning can do, isn't it? I don't know if I'm moving anywhere, really. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe that's good, though, so I don't get smug about it.

      ~hugs~ I am so glad I have such wonderful friends.
      • I understand. Removing layers makes you feel smaller.
        Like an onion.

        Once you accept that those outermost layers were not part of you in the first place, just a slow accumulation of spiritual dust-bunnies around that which you are, it's a lot easier.

        ~hugs~ again, because, well, it feels nice.
  • Jesus knows we fall daily, which is why we are always to ask Him for help to start again. And He will be there, even if it is only within the depths of your heart.

    May I suggest you talk to Logospilgrim about some of your concerns as well? Even if it is only to encourage you to continue following God with humble trust.

    Thank you for your time and patience with me.
    • I will write to Logospilgrim, thank you for the suggestion. And thank you for reminding me that there IS help and support there for getting up again. That reminder is very appreciated today.

      Thank you for being there.
  • Oh,yeah, very very very very normal! As to feeling guiltier, that means that you are moving ahead spiritually. It's like intelligence: smart people know how much they don't know.
    • It doesn't *feel* like moving. It feels like that moment when you step into the laundry room, searching for the iron, only to realize that there's three months of laundry waiting to be done. That "Oh, My God, where do I start?" feeling. I sure hope that wisdom has a couple of other facets too. Something more restful would be nice.
      • ::hug::

        If anything, it is wisdom that teaches us that the best way to do three months of laundry is also the best way to do a single day's: Pour some detergent in the wringer.

        I love you, and I'm worried about you.
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