Koinonia (koinonia) wrote,

It's like coming back from the hospital. Or from a long illness, coming back from the depression and the panic. I can't explain the fear, just the overwhelming feeling that I'm lost, late for some terribly important appointment and someone somewhere is terribly angry with me.

I made some hard hard decisions, and while I don't think making the decisions started the attack, I think that they helped end it. Now I have to reassure myself, like a child..no my friends aren't gone. They don't hate me. I am not being fired.

It's slow, like learning how to do everything over again after a surgery. The same patience sometimes is required, sussing out what needs to be done, imagining a way to do it, then setting about doing it. Sometimes that way works and sometimes it doesn't.

I need to go back to counselling, but I honestly don't have the money. I'm not making as much as I did before and I don't have any insurance. There are groups, but with my current work schedule that's a pipe dream.

One step at a time. Things happen as they do for a reason. Maybe in time the reasons why, and how and when will all come clear. In the mean time..I think about all of you. I miss you. God bless.
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