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a passionate repentance

It's like coming back from the hospital. Or from a long illness,…

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may God stand
It's like coming back from the hospital. Or from a long illness, coming back from the depression and the panic. I can't explain the fear, just the overwhelming feeling that I'm lost, late for some terribly important appointment and someone somewhere is terribly angry with me.

I made some hard hard decisions, and while I don't think making the decisions started the attack, I think that they helped end it. Now I have to reassure myself, like a child..no my friends aren't gone. They don't hate me. I am not being fired.

It's slow, like learning how to do everything over again after a surgery. The same patience sometimes is required, sussing out what needs to be done, imagining a way to do it, then setting about doing it. Sometimes that way works and sometimes it doesn't.

I need to go back to counselling, but I honestly don't have the money. I'm not making as much as I did before and I don't have any insurance. There are groups, but with my current work schedule that's a pipe dream.

One step at a time. Things happen as they do for a reason. Maybe in time the reasons why, and how and when will all come clear. In the mean time..I think about all of you. I miss you. God bless.
  • Hey, you.


    Thinking about you too. Ping me if you need it.
  • *many hugs*
  • I've been inactive on H_L, but that doesn't mean I don't have time for friends. Email me, or IM me (I might be Invisible) - I always am glad to talk with you.
  • Allow me to blather idiotically about my love for you! I'll do it, too!
  • My dearest one,

    I am not going anywhere.

    *robed embrace*
  • That is the most lucid, accurate description of coming out of depression I've ever read. That is exactly the way it feels. Thank you for putting that into words. I needed it in a very desperate way.

    And I'm not going anywhere, babe. You're stuck with me. Heh heh.
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