Koinonia (koinonia) wrote,


Last month was made very long by the arrival of a little rain and a lot of hot air.

This month promises more of the same, with the arrival of a little more rain and a lot more hot air, travelling with greater force this time.

It's almost the same sort of feeling I used to have before I went into the hospital. The sense of time shaving down to a point, and after that point was reached..who knew? Everything dropped off into blue at that point.

I've been collecting things, making my getaway bag. Ironically I won't be getting away. I'm going to be right here. I'm going to ride out this storm the way I've ridden out Andrew and Elena and Erin and Charley. Only, even with Charley, I wasn't this scared. I feel like something's coming with this storm, like an infection bourne on it's winds. Something ominous and scary and *huge*. The small-animal part of me is scrabbling and whimpering, but the human part of me is a little smarter. Where am I going to go? Who can escape it? A little smarter, but not much.

This is about recognizing and submitting. You have to let go.

Did I mention that I really *suck* at letting go?
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