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a passionate repentance

It is going to storm today. I can feel it. One of those low grade…

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may God stand
It is going to storm today. I can feel it. One of those low grade headaches that really bug the crap out of me because I can't seem to shake them.

Did you know that mimosa flowers are purple? This very pale lavendery purple. Okay maybe they're not mimosa but they smell so sweet, it's like breathing in candy. You can taste the sugary fragrance on your tongue, it's like a tickle all the way to the back of your throat.

Nightblooming jasmine are like white stars. The insides are, once they bloom. The outside buds are tipped with rose.

Confederate jasmine smells sweet too, honey sweet, but with a hint of something rotten underneath. That's the coumarin showing itself.

I bet lilacs don't look anything like I imagine them to.

Hyacinths come in all kinds of shapes, but my favorites are grape hyacinths, just because they have this beautiful color like a Tiffany lamp. Like the deep bluish purple in "A View Of Oyster Bay."

Grape Hyacinths don't smell all that good though.

Nor do snapdragons but you'd think by their shape that they ought to. They do make neat toys though. You can thread them on a string, and make a big flower animal with ruffly snapdragon jaws.

My grandmother would make dolls for me out of petunias. I didn't know then that the petunias were very precious to her, all I knew was that I liked the petunia-ruffly skirt but a doll with no head bothered me.

Strawberries don't smell like they taste.

Nor does rosemary. Or lemons. Or chicken.

Jasmine tea does, though.

And Turkish delight.

I used to wait until everyone was done with the Easterish things as a kid and then go sit by the big old pots of calla lilies that the grownups brought home from the church altar. I love the way they smell, this deep, sweet, kind of powdery smell, like when you rest your head on your aunt, and she's warm and soft, and you can feel your mother close by, and you're just so safe that actually it's a little sleepy and boring.

I liked to stick my fingers in the flower cups and touch the deep yellow pollen. I knew that lilies and roses smelled good, but I didn't know where the good smell came from. So I'd smell everything, trying to figure out where the smell *came* from.

You can eat a dandelion. I mean, I ate a dandelion root once, but it made me throw up. I mean you can eat the leaves and things if you cook them, but they're bitter and green and I couldn't eat more than a taste. My grandfather loved them.

Raspberries don't taste like they smell either. But they smell unbelieveably good, and like nothing else on earth. When you put real fresh raspberries on your cereal and then you put the milk on, and tiny little bugs come out, like black dots, then you know they're fresh raspberries. That's what my mother said.

I didn't eat them anyway.

I like blueberries. I mean I like the way they smell and the color they are and the color you turn when you eat them and I even like the taste. But there're too many seeds.

I like blackberries. They taste best when you're picking them and you're eating more than you're picking and your arms are all scratched up, because the thorns are long and sharp and there are birds all around you eating the berries as fast as they can, so it's a race to see who gets the most. Usually the birds win.

Fresh, ripe apricots smell like the most delicate perfume in the world.
  • You make...

    my heart ache for a simpler time that was not too long ago for me. Or maybe it was, but it doesn't seem that way. It seems like yesterday...I hope it will be tomorrow.
  • I don't know if I managed to get nearly seedless blueberries, or if I'm just scarfing them down too fast as I pick them. Fresh blueberries also taste nothing like the ones in muffins and bread. Personally, I prefer the fresh ones, still sun-warm, but I'm like that.

    It's the same way I prefer my tomatoes and strawberries, and I'll sit in the yard with juice running down my chin, happily picking and eating straight off the plants.

    Picking blackberries is the best, even when you have thorns stuck in your hands and in your socks and feet, purple from the lips down. What do you mean, we were supposed to bring some home? No, no dinner for me, Grandma, I'm, uh, full.

    Snapdragon blooms make neat 'earrings.'

    Lilacs. Oh, lilacs. *Nothing* smells quite like lilacs in bloom, and I've yet to find anyone that can properly synthesize that sweet, green smell. You get the sweet sweet flower scent, but there's something so very green and alive under it. They can catch the sweet, but they miss the green.
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