Koinonia (koinonia) wrote,

Writing tired/writing drunk

Every now and then I get really tired after a long long night of well..writing, and I think..wow. I have some really great ideas. But I'm just too freaking tired to write them down. But oh, my GOD they're wonderful. I'm..I've broken through to the good stuff, I've finally discovered some writing I can be proud of.

Of course, if I actually DO write any of it down, and remember to save it and remember where I saved it to, or where I put the notebook or what have you..I do come back and read it. Usually the next day.

And all I can think is..I should have listened to my mother and become an accountant. What the hell was I thinking? This is *crap.* This is craptacular crap. This is crap that has been *concentrated* and *distilled*. It is truly extraordinary.

When I have finished deleting, and weeping, and I can't deny those little germs of ideas that come creeping back, or I start to write again, something I rarely finish, because my brain is so much faster than my hands..I think..if only I could find a way to break through all these restraints I put on myself and write, really write something *good*.

You know..I think if I had someone there with me to give me a mild concussion at that point, much emotional effort would be saved.
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