Koinonia (koinonia) wrote,

I've been away for a long time. I can't say why, journal, just one thing after another cropping up. No, I haven't stopped caring, it was nothing like that. No, no..shhh..I would never willingly get rid of you, it's just that I let too many other things get in the way. Little everyday things. Bad moods, depression, work, the odd video game. Oh, now I've done it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I *do* still love you. I swear to you, Ravehearst meant nothing to me. Nothing! Oh..don't cry. Please. I'm sure we can work it out. We can make it work. Maybe a media counsellor? There, there. Blow your nose.

They say that diabetics do great for the first year, and then after that stop doing what the doctor tells them to do. That thought gives me sick chills, since it sounds so much like something I would do. I've prayed over and over again, that I would find a store of determination and commitment but part of me asks "If you've never had it for anything else, what makes you think you'll find it for this?"

I've turned into the very person I most ardently wished I never would.
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