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a passionate repentance

Questions and answers.

Questions and answers.

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may God stand
I asked several questions about muhasibi and habits in the discussion list. And I got these answers. They were important enough to put here, and I don't want to forget them.

The first one was from Amr:
bismillah..



First: How do I take what I have learned about what I value in muhasibi and apply it in life?


on this path we have to leave behind everything we value...any and all kinds of worldly knowledge that keeps us tied to it...to allow the knowledge of the unseen to guide and nurture .... the flame that is ignited to know ITSELF.

for which we have to prepare the ground...by avoiding unnecessary talk, unrestrained glances, unwanted company, limits on food intake..so the heart would soften for grace to take over... be your self......you will recognize your true Self.


Secondly..I have been praying and meditating for about two months, now. I have noticed that my dreams (which are now very vivid) all have to do with hiding, trying to preserve my old self, that I am afraid to let go of my old self. Yet, I *know* that the old self has to go, it has to die and change, in order to be changed. Is surrender to the process always charged with some sort of struggle from the old self, or do I just want to have this revelation without actually changing?


the folks of G-d do not fear nor grieve....nothing has to go...only recognized and validated and just be...

like the train in the passing meanders and wanders...crawls and race....carrying its priceless cargo...it leaves behind everything...so leave behind thoughts, dreams...words...books...everything....and just be ...be one with One in the moment...in all conscious moments.... do not divide conscious moments into seconds, minutes, hours...etc....

let One pick and choose what has to go and what have to stay....choose not to choose .....what is false will fall out and what is real of you will stay eventually when the time comes...a destination-a maqam a station is reached...all false will fallout and you will emerge from the lowest of the low to the highest of the high......

just chug along...dont worry be happy.



The second one was from Carl:> Dear Amr
> Reading your answer to Vicki gives me happiness, it's a
> wonderful thing to know that questions have a place to go
> to. This is addressed to you, but I beg anyone that hears
> that has an answer to give it.
>
> First: How do I take what I have learned about what I
> value in muhasibi and apply it in life?
> Secondly..I have been praying and meditating for about two
> months, now. I have noticed that my dreams (which are now
> very vivid) all have to do with hiding, trying to preserve
> my old self, that I am afraid to let go of my old self.
> Yet, I *know* that the old self has to go, it has to die
> and change, in order to be changed. Is surrender to the
> process always charged with some sort of struggle from the
> old self, or do I just want to have this revelation without
> actually changing?
>
> Thank you for your attention
>
> Chrisiant


Dear Chrisiant,

Your word "value" is highly significant here. And your word
"attention." What is it you *really* value? (That's for you to answer
for yourself, it's not necessary to answer that here.) You can tell by
observing what you give and direct your attention to, and you can tell
by what you are attached to.

In your constant process of becoming, everything you do is quite
literally a practice. People tend to think of "practices" as something
specific that one does, sometimes regularly and at a particular time,
sometimes whenever they remember to or have the time or inspiration. In
reality, everything you do is a practice for being yourself and for who
you are becoming.

It's pretty difficult (though not at all impossible) to just decide to
"let go" of some aspect of one's self and then actually do that. It
leaves an empty place, a vacuum, that wants to be filled, and it can
be scary to even contemplate that let alone step into the unknown
experience of it. And, if you do, will you have any real control
over what fills the vacuum? As an alternative, when one comes to really
value something different and directs one's attention and effort towards
that, one begins to do things differently - one begins to practice
differently - which leads to one becoming different.

There is a Sufi story about one who wanted to study with a particular
teacher who was aware that the prospective student was not really ready,
yet, to commit to the path. During an interview, the teacher dunked the
aspirant's head into a trough of water and held it there while
the aspirant struggled. Upon finally being released, the aspirant came
up desperately gasping for air. The teacher then said something to the
effect that: "When you want awakening (or God) as strongly as you wanted
that breath of air, then you will be ready."

A poem by Mirabai (renowned woman poet-saint of India, c. 1498-1550)
also carries a similar message...

* The Way They Held Each Other *

A woman and her young daughter were destitute
and traveling to another country
where they hoped to find
a new life.

Three men stole them while they were camping.

They were brought to a city
and sold as slaves; each to a different
owner.

They were given one minute more together,
before their fates became unknown.

My soul clings to God like that,
the way they held
each other.

(Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West)
( by Daniel Ladinsky )

So, whatever it is that we hold onto, whatever we give our attention and
our energy to, reveals the part of us that we feed, and the aspects of
our being that we feed are the ones that grow stronger. If you truly
value what you have discovered through muhasibi (self examination) and
if you also value that in your life, you can choose to - and you will be
drawn to - feed that which you truly value. Then, it is not so much a
matter of letting go of something as it is a matter of feeding what you
value which will result in letting things you formerly valued quite
literally starve and waste away for lack of attention.

What is it you really value? What is it you really want? What is it
you are practicing? Practicing with every thought, with every feeling,
with every act, with every breath, with every heart beat? Everything we
do is practice. If you begin to realize what that really means, you
won't be able to help but apply in your life that which you have come to
value through your practice of muhasibi. Nothing else will make any sense.

Actually, "value" is really a rather weak word when trying to talk about
this. "Love" is much more appropriate, because it comes to be about
passion. The passion of your heart will provide the energy for what you
need to do when you come to realize what that is.

With Love,
Carl Karasti

P.S. In my experience, the Heart Rhythm Practice taught by Puran and
Susanna Bair (that Asatar referred to) is a wonderful tool to work with
in this process.

And this was the Heart Rhythym Practice referred to:
This is good advice. I would also add a few steps to achieve:

1. When you sit, exhale and inhale fully - also called the full breath.
2. Listen for your heartbeat.
3. Once you have found it, make it rhythmic with the breath. A good
rhythm is 8 beats in, 8 beats out.
4. Notice that the heart beat has two parts.
5. Once you have this, instead of counting beats substitute 'Allah';
'Al' on the first part of the beat, 'lah' on the second.

I have found that this brings me close to God, so that God becomes
shatteringly real. It will change you, this lifting of the veil of
mystery.

Asatar

On Friday, June 6, 2003, at 03:53 PM, Amr44@aol.com wrote:

> bismillah..
>
> Dear Vicki...
>
> Earlier today i posted "silkworm" read and reflect... empty the heart
> and mind ....however you do that in meditation or .....in the
> garden....vlet G-d speak to you......as long as you are busy with
> thoughts, ideas and concepts...G-d talk is lost in the commotion...try
> and find quiet...inner and outer...
>
> usually nature is helpful...... loose your self into it and vibrate
> with its rhythm ...become one...you will hear G-d talk! Insha'Allah
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